Tori Spelling Files For Divorce After 18 Years Of Marriage
Tori Spelling has been with her husband Dean McDermott for 18 years, but you never know what’s really going on in someone’s private life. Not until they go public with it, that is, and the mystery behind Spelling and McDermott’s messy divorce is starting to hit the headlines. Further complications include who gets custody of their five children.
Trouble brewing
Actress Tori Spelling is perhaps best known for her stint on the ’90s drama series Beverly Hills, 90210 where she bagged her breakout role as Donna Martin. She was originally married to writer and actor Charlie Shanian.
Yet as soon as she met Dean McDermott, sparks flew. Spelling and the Canadian actor first crossed paths on a 2005 TV movie called Mind Over Murder and like her, McDermott was also married at the time.
Animal attraction
It would seem their attraction was too strong, because Spelling and McDermott couldn’t stay away from each other. They apparently began an affair soon after meeting: it was a relationship that would end both their marriages.
Later that year, Shanian filed for divorce against Spelling, stating the reason as “irreconcilable differences.” In 2006 — a month after her divorce — Spelling married McDermott at a private ceremony in Fiji.
High-profile
As for McDermott, his first wife was Canadian actress Mary Jo Eustace, with whom he had a son. Obviously, that relationship dissolved following the affair with Spelling, a celebrity he’d apparently had a crush on since his youth.
Spelling and McDermott’s relationship has always remained a relatively high-profile one, with its highs and lows played out in the public’s gaze. That’s partly because they shared a reality TV show together called Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Unfortunately, the marriage wasn’t to last forever.
Making a family
All the same, they were together for 18 long years and the couple have had five children, who at the time of writing are still minors: Beau, Finn, Hattie, Stella, and Liam.
In fact, the initial announcement about the split came when Spelling uploaded pictures of the family enjoying Stella’s birthday celebrations at Beverly Hilton in 2023. McDermott made an Instagram post with a very different energy.
The Instagram post
People magazine quoted, “It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and [five] amazing children, that @torispelling and I have decided to go our separate ways, and start a new journey of our own.”
“We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time," McDermott elaborated. “We ask that you all respect our privacy as we take this time to surround our family with love and work our way through this.”
No comment
The message concluded, “Thank you all for your support and kindness.” Although it was widely reported by media outlets at the time, McDermott has since deleted the post, for reasons we’ll get to later.
Neither McDermott nor Spelling’s representatives responded to comments after the post, but timing aside, the news hadn’t come as a huge surprise to some. You see, the relationship has had its challenges in the past.
Breaking trust
In 2014 — four years after the couple had renewed their marriage vows — it came out that McDermott had been unfaithful. He revealed as much in a reality TV show called True Tori.
“I feel shame,” McDermott admitted to the cameras during the episode in question. “I’ve never felt shame before.” Spelling commented on the scandal and how it had affected their children, too.
A daughter’s discovery
In 2020 Spelling told the podcast Women on Top that while she was proud she and McDermott had made no attempt to hide their relationship troubles, it had an unforeseen consequence.
She explained, “My kids have not seen clips, but they’ve seen something out there online and my daughter saw something. It really upset her.” Spelling admitted, “That's not something you think about in that moment.”
Rising fears
All the same, Spelling announced that she was “so proud” of the “honesty” she and McDermott had displayed during their public marital woes. Indeed, she’s been very forthright about her feelings on the matter since and has explained how it affected her self-esteem.
"My biggest fear in our relationship was I was like, ‘He’s going to cheat on me, he’s going to cheat on me, he’s going to cheat on me,’" People magazine reported in 2023.
Living nightmare
“So when it happened,” Spelling continued, “I was like, ‘See, I always thought from day one he was going to cheat on me,’ and it wasn’t about him, that was about me.”
“I was like, ‘Okay, I know I’m not good enough.’ That’s how I felt about myself, and, ‘One day he’s going to realize that and he’s gonna find someone else.’”
Marriage challenges
In 2016 Spelling told People that McDermott’s actions had been a huge challenge to their marriage. She said, “Everything crashed. We had to start over. We had to completely rebuild.”
And with the aid of couples therapy and working through their problems, that’s what McDermott and Spelling started to do. Indeed, she thought they’d come through it stronger than when they began.
No regrets
Spelling explained, “We made the conscious decision based on our love for each other to tough it out and work through it. It was one of the worst times in our lives, but it was also one of the best times.”
“I wouldn’t change anything,” Spelling revealed, “because if we hadn’t started talking and opened up those lines of communication, maybe we wouldn’t be here today.” But it would seem that the damage was already done, and the cracks just wouldn’t mend. One red flag came in 2021 when Spelling uploaded a festive holiday card to Instagram.
Noticeable absence
The card featured Spelling’s family with one exception: McDermott wasn’t there. Despite Spelling commenting how her husband was off “filming his new feature film in Canada,” not everyone had been convinced b y this explanation.
People revealed that several sources had claimed the couple were “not in a good place and have been evaluating their relationship.” Apparently, this time was different to any issues they’d previously had.
Cold shoulder
“It’s been very chilly between them for a long time,” People’s source informed. “They have been through the wringer before, but they’ve always gotten out of it.” There was only one thing keeping them together at all.
The source continued, “They’ve been living separate lives. They will still have family meals and occasional outings, but it’s for the kids.” A second source confirmed the strain their union was now under.
For the kids
Apparently the Spelling-McDermott relationship had “been bad for a really long time, over a year for sure. But Tori doesn't want to break up the family.” Their children were still young, after all.
“She thinks the kids need their dad. These are their fundamental years and they’ve fought to stay together for the kids.” But as it would turn out, some wounds were too deep to heal.
Toxic relationship
Following McDermott’s vanishing Instagram separation post, People’s sources confirmed that his infidelity was at the heart of their breakup. "Part of their relationship was never fully repaired after he was unfaithful,” one said. they said.
Another concurred. “Tori still has major trust issues with Dean. And he's like, ‘We moved on from that.’ It’s complicated and a very toxic and rocky situation.” It was apparently Spelling who had made the final move.
Irreconcilable differences
According to People magazine, court documents revealed that Spelling was filing for separation because of “irreconcilable differences,” stating their official separation date as June 17, 2023. That’s where things get complicated.
You see, contrary to the Instagram post that McDermott posted, it doesn’t sound like his split with Spelling has been amiable at all. In fact, while she stated they’d be raising the kids together, Spelling has other plans.
Campaigning for custody
Spelling has asked the court to grant her spousal support and has requested it denies McDermott the same; essentially she’s made a play for complete custody of all five of their children.
That’s right, she wants physical custody of all the children to be hers alone. Meanwhile, with regards to joint legal custody, Spelling wants McDermott’s visitation rights to be determined at a later date.
The rift opens
But what could have happened to cause such a rift? Well, McDermott himself is able to answer that question. He opened up to the Daily Mail in November 2023. His recounting of events sheds some light on the separation requests.
Despite McDermott and Spelling’s efforts to patch things up, their marriage had definitely been in decline, and he admitted to being at fault. To give you some context, the interview took place at an Los Angeles rehab center.
Addiction spiral
Although he’s living clean now, McDermott said that he had been trapped in a spiral of alcohol and drug addiction that ultimately led to the destruction of not only his marriage, but possibly his family, too.
“Alcohol made me feel good enough,” McDermott told the Daily Mail. “I started feeling good enough until it got to a point where it didn't — it ended up in isolation.”
A broken man
McDermott continued, “It ended up with me drinking a fifth of tequila every night, seven days a week, and a handful of narcos [prescription drugs] by myself with a beautiful family in the other room.”
“That's what it led to and that's what led to the brokenness and to what happened between me and Tori.” It was during one of these episodes that McDermott uploaded his now-infamous Instagram separation post.
Beautiful love story
Looking back, McDermott admitted that he hadn’t known what he had until it was gone. “It was a total fairytale,” he reminisced. “I mean, it was a beautiful love story.”
He continued, “Love at first sight and getting married in the most beautiful way possible. And then we had to come back to Hollywood and deal with all the… [grief] people gave us.”
An intervention
“After we got married, they were all saying, ‘Give it six months,’ McDermott recalled. “Well, so much for six months — we showed you, because it's been 18 years and five kids.”
Yet McDermott’s addictions weren’t a new thing in his relationship. In fact, those habits had contributed to his infidelity in the first place! But Spelling had issued an ultimatum: she’d told him something had to change.
The healing begins
“She really tried to help me,” McDermott recalled, “and she would do it in a loving and subtle way like making suggestions until it got so bad, she was like, ‘You need to get help.’”
“The first time through rehab, what triggered it was a pretty public event that we all know about. And this isn't an excuse, but it was fueled by my alcoholism and drug addiction.”
In full view
It was when McDermott came out of rehab that he had taken part in True Tori, where he’d confessed to his indiscretions. Apparently, he starred in it reluctantly, and his addictions had plagued him constantly.
He mused to the Daily Mail, “That was really hard to get through and be sober while trying to solve your marital problems in the town square. What a horrible idea. What a horrible idea.”
Noble goals
So considering what he had been going through at the time, why did McDermott take part in the show? “I thought it would help people,” he said. It was a nice idea, but it turned out to be a case of too much, too soon.
“I was too fresh out of treatment to even think straight that that would be a bad idea,” he elaborated. There were other family members to consider too, though not of the human variety.
Animal house
The Spelling-McDermott family were big on their animal friends. They had a full complement of them, including a chicken, several dogs and a pig all sharing the house.
McDermott didn’t think it was hygienic. “And we know dogs have accidents and our particular dogs were having a lot,” he told the Daily Mail. “And I just couldn't deal with that anymore.”
Drawing boundaries
McDermott continued, “So, I created a healthy boundary for myself and I said, ‘I can’t do this. I can’t live and sleep in this kind of condition.’ I drew that boundary for myself.”
“[I] moved to another room and things just progressed from there. There were no efforts to sort of remedy the problem to get back into the room.” That’s how the couple started sleeping separately.
On the edge
So the couple’s trust was broken, they were sleeping separately, McDermott was trying to recover from substance abuse… and then their money started to run dry. It had been a recipe for disaster.
McDermott spent more and more time on his own and his drinking began to spiral again. While Spelling was with the kids, he was sinking deeper into his own isolation.
No hope
Eventually, they were spending very little time together as a family. “Rarely, rarely, rarely did we eat together,” McDermott revealed. “We'd sit down and have a family meal but it was always disjointed.”
“It made me feel worse because I knew I was a big part of [the problem] and I was at a place where I felt there was nothing I could do about it.”
Dead batteries
McDermott believes that sleeping alone severed chances of saving his marriage. “Add in the fact that we're not sleeping in the same bed — it's like docking your iPhone at night,” he said.
“If you don't dock your iPhone at night, you wake up with a dead battery. I believe that the marital bed is the docking station for your relationship. Where you… [connect with] each other.”
Lonely
“When you're in a roommate situation and there's no connection or intimacy, what do you expect is going to happen?” McDermott continued. “I’ve never been so lonely in the same house with six other people, never been so lonely in my life.”
“I didn’t know how to get out of the situation I was in. I was hurting. I was heartbroken. I was depressed. I hated myself. I didn't want to live.”
Facing problems
The depths of depression blinded McDermott to the wonderful things in his life. He recalled how even though he was surrounded by his family, he couldn’t see how blessed he was.
Actually, he revealed that was part of the reason he couldn’t speak up about his problems. His behavior was affecting them, and he didn’t want to — or couldn’t — face up to that.
Codependence
McDermott explained, “[Spelling] came from just such a place of love and wanting me to be healthy and happy. It was codependence. She put my wellbeing well ahead of hers.”
“She loved me so much that she didn't really want to tell me how it was affecting her, although I could see it in her face. But again, I was so selfish that it was like, ‘Okay, note that, but never mind. Move on.’”
The infamous post
And then came the Instagram post incident, where he posted information about the breakdown of his marriage while drunk. It was too much for their strained relationship, and Spelling convinced McDermott to get help.
He found a vacancy at Harmony Place, the rehab center where the interview occurred. It was, though, the end of his marriage: the damage caused by McDermott’s past indiscretions had proved irreversible.
Starting fresh
McDermott began his sober life anew, and he’s ready to move out of Harmony Place. He’s even got a new girlfriend called Calo, who works as an account manager for the charity Conscious Community Global.
But McDermott’s not the only one moving on. Spelling spent the summer traveling and sifting through her emotions; she now seems to be in a better place emotionally following the separation.
New horizon
Even though they’re no longer together, McDermott has nothing but good things to say about Spelling. “Tori's very resourceful,” he revealed. “She's a survivor. She always lands on her feet.”
“And like I said,” he added, “she is one of the hardest-working people I’ve ever met. She’s dedicated to our children, and she’s dedicated to her craft.”
Love remains
There’s other news in Spelling’s life, though. She’s been seen with a new guy, an advertising agency CEO called Ryan Cramer. As for her and McDermott, they’re on speaking terms now, at least.
McDermott told the Daily Mail that he still loves Spelling, but he doesn’t think there’s a future on the cards with her any more. Or, as he put it, “Life just happened to us.”
Forming futures
“It’s just really tough.” McDermott concluded. “I’m not making excuses. I certainly had my hand in it in the dissolution of the relationship. But yeah, [it] hasn’t been easy. Nothing in life is easy.”
Despite a turbulent relationship, it seems like now both Spelling and McDermott are in a place of healing. Who knows what the future holds, but they share children together, so no doubt they’ll always be in each other’s lives.